Navigating the Festive Season with Children

By Rebecca Sheikh from Flourishing Childhood

The festive season brings so much magic: the sparkle of lights, the joy of gathering, the excitement of traditions. And yet, alongside all this wonder, something else often arrives: overwhelm. Meltdowns at the supermarket. Emotional outbursts that seem to come from nowhere. Sibling conflicts that escalate quickly. Tired little bodies. Tantrums that leave everyone exhausted. Tears, sometimes theirs, sometimes ours!

If you feel the weight of the season, you're not alone.

I'd love to offer you something to support you during this time. It starts with understanding, truly understanding, why our children may be behaving in these ways. Perhaps the words "ungrateful," "disrespectful," or even "naughty" have crossed your mind, or your lips. Maybe you've heard these words from others or felt them rise up inside you when your child melts down over what seems like nothing.

I'd love to invite you to pause for a moment. To put yourself in your child's shoes. To wonder what it might feel like to experience the festive season through their eyes, their nervous system.

What supports this shift is a deeper understanding of WHY children behave the way they do especially during times of heightened stimulation and change. Children are communicating something to us through their behaviour, even when (especially when) they can't find the words. They're not trying to ruin the festivities or test our patience. They're showing us, in the only way they know how, that they're struggling.

They generally don't tell us in words. Instead, they hit, they shout, they refuse to listen, they whine, they rage. They do things that baffle us, that push our buttons, that make us want to throw our hands up in despair.

The Three Main Reasons Children Behave This Way

There are three main reasons why children express themselves through challenging behaviour:

1. They have an unmet need

Perhaps they're hungry, thirsty, overstimulated, or simply needing connection with you.

2. They lack information

They may not understand what's expected, what's happening next, or why the routine has changed.

3. They have an accumulation of stress and trauma that needs to be released through crying, raging, or laughter

This is the one we often miss. The one our culture doesn't make space for.

Let me give you an example.

Imagine your child comes home from school and immediately throws their shoes across the room. You might feel a flash of anger or frustration, quite understandably. But then, instead of reacting, you pause. You step into their shoes (metaphorically, this time). You reflect on those three reasons.

You offer support in a way that helps them feel safe, seen, and held. You stay close. Perhaps you set a loving limit to ensure they don’t break anything You listen. Perhaps their behaviour shifts. Perhaps they soften.

Or perhaps the behaviour continues. Perhaps they escalate.

Here's what might be happening beneath the surface: Maybe they've been so busy all week and they desperately need your attention, not just your presence, but your full attention. Maybe they don't lack information about throwing shoes (they know it's not okay), but something else is at play. Perhaps they had a tricky day. Perhaps their favourite teacher wasn't there. Perhaps someone said something hurtful at lunch. Perhaps the overwhelm of the Christmas play rehearsal; the lights, the noise, the pressure became too much. Perhaps their friend was mean, or maybe they were the one who was mean and now they're carrying guilt.

Perhaps all these little stressors have piled up, one on top of another, until their nervous system became flooded. Fight, flight, or freeze energy activated. And now this needs to be released so they can return to a state of equilibrium, to homeostasis, to feeling like themselves again.

How Children Release Stress

The way children do this the way they're designed to do this, through crying, raging, or laughter.

This is where Aware Parenting offers us such a gift. It helps us embrace these emotional outbursts, even though (I'll be honest) I still find it hard. It's not easy to hold space for big feelings. It's not comfortable to witness our children in distress. We have become so conditioned to distract, to soothe, to make it stop.

But what if we could shift our understanding?

What if we could see that the tears, the rage, the intensity when held in our loving presence is not the problem, but the solution? What if these expressions are their body's wisdom, their nervous system's way of coming back into homeostasis?

When we listen, when we stay close, when we offer our steady presence without trying to fix or stop the feelings, we give our children something profound. To release what needs releasing. To trust that all of their feelings are welcome.

An Invitation

This festive season, I invite you to practice this with me (because I need lots of practice and beautiful to know there are others practicing alongside me.)

When the meltdowns come (and they will come), notice your breath, feel your feet on the ground. Remind yourself of those three reasons. Ask yourself: What is my child communicating? What do they need from me right now?

And if the answer is ‘They need to cry, to rage, to release,’ can you hold that space? “I'm here. All of your feelings are safe with me. You don't have to hold it together. I've got you." And at the same time offering this to your younger parts.

This is how we help our children and ourselves not just survive the festive season, but move through it with more compassion, more connection, and more peace.

You don't have to do this perfectly. None of us do.

Supporting Connection Through Play

There's another beautiful way to support our children during this season with: Attachment Play.

I've gathered some toys and activities from Conscious Craft that can help meet your child's deep needs for connection and attention especially when stress is running high. You can also create many of these experiences with things you already have at home. This kind of play is called Attachment Play.

When Separation Feels Hard

Scarves (like these beautiful ones) offer such gentle medicine for healing separations. Perhaps you've been navigating a few events where you've needed to be apart from your child, or maybe you're feeling stretched thin and haven't been as present as you'd like.

Try hiding your child under a scarf, then ‘searching’ everywhere for them with exaggerated surprise. Act completely baffled about where they've gone. When you ‘find’ them, celebrate with delight! This simple game speaks directly to their fears about separation and transforms them into laughter which in turn releases stress.

Power-Reversal Play: Letting Them Feel Strong

You could make a magic wand together, and once it's made, allow your child to turn you into whatever they wish. Let them have the power. Perhaps they want you to be a dog and they're the owner. Maybe they want to direct you around with complete autonomy which is often exactly what children need to fill their power cups.

Power-reversal games are profound healing tools. Perhaps you've noticed your child has been angry lately, or that something you said or did hurt them. This kind of play creates a safe space for those uncomfortable feelings to emerge and be released.

Building Together

Cooperative games are such an amazing resource at this time. Research shows that cooperative games stimulate a part of the brain that reduces impulse control and aggression in their children.

Try making the tallest tower you can with these wooden blocks. See if you can create something where everyone's contribution matters, right down to that final, precarious block balanced on top.

Mirroring and Trust

Mirroring games (sometimes called contingency play) help with anxiety, powerlessness, and developing trust. You could use these beautiful streamers to mirror your child's movements. They move, you follow. They lead, you respond. They are in charge completely and delightfully in charge.

Letting Them Be Little Again

Many children need to go backwards before they can move forward especially when they're processing the stress of a new sibling, the overwhelm of growing up too fast, or the pressure of "being a big kid now."

Regression play might look like pretending to bottle-feed them, rocking them like a baby, or playing "baby games" together. This isn't about babying them it's about filling up the places that unintentionally may have got missed or rushed through.

Symbolic Play for Processing the Hard Stuff

Symbolic play offers children a way to work through tricky experiences they've had whether it's something that happened at nursery, at school, dentist or anywhere else. You don't need to buy anything special for this. Although small world figures, dolls houses, doctors sets and puppets are helpful.  Let them play out whatever they need to play out.

Nonsense Play

Nonsense play is especially helpful at this time. Be silly together. Get things hilariously wrong. Read a bedtime story and get completely confused start reading it upside down, mix up all the character names, put the book on your head instead of opening it. The sillier, the better.

This releases frustrations and anxiety from adult expectations and anger. It helps build a sense that mistakes are okay, that perfection isn't required, that life can be light and funny even when it's been heavy and all the laughter support children profoundly

An Invitation to Play

Non directive play which is 1-1 play where your child gets to choose exactly what they want to play with you is such a gift this festive season. Offer this whenever you can. You need willingness to be a little bit silly, a little bit vulnerable, a little bit childlike yourself. You don't particularly need special toys for this type of play. You need presence.

You can trust that when your child dissolves into laughter during these games—real, deep, belly laughter—something is shifting. Stress is releasing. Connection is deepening. Their nervous system is finding its way back home. I hope you enjoy these ideas. Please reach out if you would like some targeted support this Christmas to deepen into supporting your child with crying, raging and attachment play and laughter.

Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Rebecca x

About Rebecca

Rebecca Sheikh is a mother to two children, aged 13 and 9 and lives in Sussex. She is an Aware Parenting Level 2 Parenting Educator and the regional co-ordinator of the UK, Ireland and Sub-Saharan Africa.

Rebecca is also an Inner Child Journey practitioner, SoulCollage® practitioner, sandplay therapist and therapeutic play practitioner and training to be a focusing practitioner.  She supports parents and organisations to help the children in their care flourish through introspection, self- nurturing and deep awareness.

flourishingchildhood.com.